The next one sits before me
On a desk of fog
Covered in the month
I can’t see what’s in front of me
A blur going off in the distance perhaps?
Should I take what the days have presented me
Or give back which I have taken?
I think we will go with down the hatch
I’ll laugh until tomorrow
Until things become clear
A smile for the night keeps me calm
Focusing on a color of lines
For once not centered around this idea of another
The first sign of forgetting?
The first sign of relief?
Either way a gulp or four of theses today’s
Will make tomorrow the brightest tomorrow
Another smile another giggle and yes yet another thought
I will regret in the morning if I ever catch up with it.

Forget the door bell and walk right in
Make my phone ring; I’ll answer without a doubt
A message of encouragement
Not these waves of sorrow dragging out
Where they come to settle on a day I didn’t know would be so hard
I can’t clear off the dust of our past; if I try they will just float above
Until its time to come to rest once again
Distractions come and go helping for an hour or so
Yet once I start feeling happy it’s just a reminder
The weirdest and tiniest things get to me the most
Everyday conversations bring up what went before
I know you’re on the floor grasping but can’t reach
Jumping out of windows but landing on two feet
Spending nights in grave yards but you can’t catch death
Passing door ways looking for an ear that will listen
And still everyday you avoid the one that will
Days go by and you don’t knock on a single door
Picture frames fall down stairs for these past years
Warning signs you chose to ignore
Sicknesses of guilt you covered up as a disorder
You’re good at the game you play
You’ve passed go, but wont collect your prize
A game too easy for you to play
Yet you win each time
I’m in your jail waiting yet I can’t get our numbers straight.
Yours 3 mine 16
Neither what we need to break free
While your number more accessible I’ll keep waiting for the day my dice reach my number.
An unreachable number until you change your game
But for today and the rest of tomorrow, until you do

You win!
You win!!

If I could, sleep forever

Things would go my way
I could change the things I choose
Live the life I pick
And be happy in my own abyss

I’d live what now cant be
While redirecting the bad

Be excited about today
dream the unbelievable
See what I miss the most
Listen for what I long to hear

Be unbreakable
As I Create what others destroy
I could edit undo

But if I wake up everything will be gone.
If I could, sleep forever

Six months go by
not a word

Doing my thing
and struggling

Each day an instant reminder
each song just as ear crushing

183 days go by
it feels like yesterday

a fresh wound
that has not started to heal

when its gone a complete circle
I'll disappear

It's all too real now..
Yet you aren't

I hate that…

I now hate Prius’s,
I call Explorers Exploders,

I hate that…

Instead of cute, I say coooot.
Instead of boys, I say boyo’s
Instead of teens, I say tweens.
Instead of laundry, I call it laun-dirty.
Instead of Tylenol, I call it Tinyol.
Instead of Kitty’s, I call them keeties

I hate that….

Guns are not just a toy any more.
That 3 is the only acceptable odd number.
I miss feeshy faces.

I hate that…

Squirrels aren’t just squirrels anymore.
Bouncy balls make me hurt.
Green has become a sad color.
The name James is confirmed as evil again.
Christmas is a sore spot.

I hate that…..

I cringe at the sight of a Uhaul.
I still want a French bulldog.
I double take Black “exploders”
S’s stand out to me.

I hate that….

I hate crotch rockets.
I sigh when I see Squirt.

I hate Dave and Busters.

I hate my nick name hedder.

I hate…
that half my drawings I cant stand to look at anymore.
that I refuse to enjoy skittles.
that I still hate popcorn.
that I love listening to bright eyes

But most of all, I hate that I still listen to music and can find a smile.